Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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