great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The Olympian is in my bed
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
