he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
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Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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