She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
