hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
