that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
