I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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