I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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