I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
