is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
