Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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