p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
