Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
