My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sacagawea was the original milf.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
