just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
