the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
