yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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