You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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