i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
