Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
