o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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