he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
