Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
