You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
