I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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