In the future we'll all be gay
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
