Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
