I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
