i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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