im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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