If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
