Don't you send me to vm
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My vagina is officially offended.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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