hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
