I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
