sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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