i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
