He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
