This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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