I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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