i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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