Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
