she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
