i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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