Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
