Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
