im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
