Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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