I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
