just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
