he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
