you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
