I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
