its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
