Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
