i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
