I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
