Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
