so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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