Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
