he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
