its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
