I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
