I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
