is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
