I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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